Tuesday
by CharlieChap
Summary: No purpose, no structure, just a strange day in the life of House and Co.
1. Wilson I

Disclaimer: I do not own House, nor am I associated with House or Fox or any other people getting money.

**Note: Please, please, please review. I love to hear what you think…suggestions, opinions, criticism…all welcome! Appreciated!**

As he walked down the hallway all manner of people moved out of his way, glancing warily at him as he ignored them. As cautious as they all were, they were markedly less so today than on normal days. Despite the pain in his leg, his perpetual boredom, and the excruciating slowness of Tuesdays, Dr. Gregory House was in a rather good mood, at least as far as good moods went for him.

House slowed his pace slightly as he reached in his jacket pocket for his bottle of Vicodin. He paused in mid-retrieval of his medicine when he caught the sound of slowed footsteps behind him, and cocked his head slightly. It wasn't as if he hadn't known that Wilson had been following him. House pretended not to notice for the sake of ritual and his own amusement. Wilson often followed House for a few minutes before approaching him, supposedly for the purposes of assessing the other man's boredom and mood before offering up a case. House liked to walk around the hospital, leading Wilson on a crazy goose chase before stopping to let him speak. House supposed that Wilson knew that he was messing with him and Wilson supposed that House knew he'd been following him, but neither man acknowledged the fact. It was tradition now.

"Good morning, Dr. House." Said Wilson as he joined House's side. House looked at him quizzically and popped a Vicodin into his mouth. It didn't fool Wilson, he knew House was in a good mood. "You got a minute?"

"Only if you're interesting." Said House as he began walking again. He shot a sideways glance at Wilson and raised an eyebrow. "Nice tie."

"Thank you, I've always been a fan of puke yellow myself." Answered Wilson, beating House to the punch line. House exhaled more than actually laughed, but it was still a laugh.

"Now that one is a gift from Julie."

"Yes, actually it was." Sighed Wilson. House shot Wilson another sideways glance and Wilson shrugged.

"She has impeccable taste." It was a shot at the tie, Julie and Wilson all in one. Mostly at Julie though, House didn't like her much. Wilson opened his mouth to say something but House had already moved on. "Are you going to be interesting or not?"

"25 year old female, frequent nose bleeds and heart problems. High fever and severe flu symptoms." Said Wilson as they came to a dead stop in front of House's office.

"I assume there's no evidence of a brain tumor, otherwise you wouldn't be here."

"No tumor." Affirmed Wilson. Wilson could already see that it had been a no-brainer for House.

"It's the flu." Said House.

"What? With nose bleeds and heart problems?" Scoffed Wilson, although he knew that House would turn out to be right.

"Yes, but those are caused by her cocaine addiction." Wilson rolled his eyes, half at House and half at himself. "Taking cocaine can compromise the immune system so it would be pretty easy to catch the flu."

"She's had her flu shots." Countered Wilson.

"You know as well as I do that flu shots cut down the risk of getting the flu, but it doesn't make you immune. Just because you've had a flu shot doesn't mean you won't catch it." Wilson put his hands on his hips and sighed up at the ceiling. House waited and Wilson looked at him.

"Cocaine?" Asked Wilson. House nodded. Wilson looked at the floor and then over House's shoulder. He sighed again. "Okay, cocaine." He finally looked back at House and House blinked. Wilson turned and walked away.


	2. Cameron I

**I changed one line just a bit because I got a review from someone who was about to watch _Dead Poets Society _and that one line totally spoiled it for them. To them and anyone else, I am extremely sorry, sometimes I just don't think about spoilers! It is now changed and spoiler free, promises! **

"If you're not going to be interesting I wish you would stop coming to bother me!" House yelled after Wilson. Wilson didn't turn, he only grinned and kept walking. House watched him disappear around the corner and then entered the conference room that was attached to his office. As he sidled up to the coffee machine he gave a soft sigh and poured himself a cup of coffee. It was good coffee too, none of that gross hospital coffee in his office, no way. He held the red coffee cup in front of his face and smiled.

"I love you, red coffee cup. You hold my coffee so I can drink it." He mumbled playfully to the coffee cup before he took a deep drink. As he brought the cup back down something caught his attention. Something…someone was sniffling in his office. He turned slowly to look over his shoulder. Dr. Cameron was sitting in his chair with her head in her hands…sniffling. He couldn't take sniffling. As much as he hated to admit it, even to himself, sniffling broke his heart. It also got his furniture wet. He debated with himself for about two seconds between running and hiding or confronting curiosity when he started walking towards his office. He entered through the glass doors unnoticed, stood silently observing for a few seconds and then opened his mouth.

"You're getting my chair wet." He said. Cameron snapped her head up, startled by his voice and guilty about sitting in his chair. She sniffled. His heart broke. "Are you alright?" She studied him for a split second and then giggled softly as she wiped away a tear.

"I'm fine." She saw his skeptical look and she smiled. "Its really not what you think. Its silly." A pause. He waited. "I…I didn't have anything to do and, well, you weren't here so I turned on the TV and…" She stopped. He waited again.

"And?" He finally asked. She blushed slightly.

"_Dead Poets Society_ happened to be on, and I was just…it was so sad…" House started laughing, actually laughing. Cameron blushed more and gave a little shrug. "I said it was silly." House ended his laughter with a short chuckle and shook his head at the floor.

"Was it the first time you'd seen it?" House asked suddenly. If she said yes he'd be amazed. It was one of the best movies ever, in his own opinion, and one of his personal favorites. Of course, if it were up to him no one would ever know that. Cameron looked embarrassed again.

"No, this is probably the twentieth time I've seen it." And she giggled again. He wished she'd go back to sniffling. A question occurred to him then. He asked everyone he ever met this question and everyone always thought he was insane. If she thought he was crazy then it was no great loss to him, and that was only if she didn't think he was crazy already. He hesitated only slightly.

"You know the kid in the movie, Neil Perry…You don't think that…"

"He looks just like Wilson?" She finished. House was stunned, even Wilson thought he was nuts for thinking that.

"Exactly. Wilson hates that I think that. In fact, everyone I ask thinks I'm off my rocker for thinking it."

"I've thought that ever since I met him." She confessed. "It's so uncanny."

"Exactly!" House realized that he was getting a bit too excited. "Ahem…well, as long as you're not ruining my furniture anymore I guess I can leave." He turned to walk back out the door when he heard her voice again.

"I'm sorry about using your TV." She said softly. He turned only slightly and smiled to himself. Aw heck, why not?

"You're welcome to use it whenever you want." He said. Her heart skipped a beat then, surprised at the privilege he had given her. He walked out the door and she sat back in his chair and sighed. "Just don't tell anyone that I like _Dead Poets Society_!" He yelled back at her. She laughed.


	3. Chase I

House returned to his coffee, sat down in a chair and propped his legs up on the table. For a few minutes everything was quiet and peaceful, and for a few minutes House liked it. One second too many passed of the peaceful quiet and House soon found that the boredom was starting to kill him again. He rested his head back and stared at the ceiling, sighed and groaned irritably. He felt a slight breeze and looked up to see his door being opened by Dr. Chase. Chase nodded a welcome and House put his head back again.

"Differential diagnosis, Chase?" Said House. Had it been Cameron, Foreman or even Cuddy they would have had no idea what he was talking about. Fortunately it was Chase, and he grinned knowingly as he walked past House on his way to the coffee pot.

"Death by boredom, I would imagine." Answered Chase as he poured himself a cup and sat down across from House.

"Recommended treatment?"

"Do you want to know what I'd recommend or what you really should do?" Asked Chase he a sipped the coffee. House looked at him now and smirked.

"Yours first."

"Do what you always do, go out, poke around in other peoples business and cause some trouble."

"And what should I really do?"

"Do a crossword puzzle, find a good case, do your clinic duty."

"I like yours better."

" I thought you might. I only request that you stay out of my business for today…you know, for being such a nice doctor."

"You have business?" Asked House in mock incredulity. Chase smiled a thanks and House got out of his chair and left the room.

"God help the poor bugger with business," Mumbled Chase. "For I have just released a monster upon this hospital…and he's bored."


	4. Wilson II

House wandered down the hall, looking like he was on his way somewhere, but definitely wandering. Apparently word had gotten around that he was in a good mood because people in the hallways were less furtive than they had been previously. If House was at all conscious of who he was looking for it was either Foreman or Cuddy, however the first person he happened across was Wilson. It just wasn't Wilson's day.

"Oh Jimmy!" Called House. Wilson was at the nurse's desk finishing up his filing when he heard House call him. He knew it was bad news when his first name was used. It was even worse when House used his nickname. He gathered strength and turned to House with an air of patience that only James Wilson could muster. House had a mischievous look in his eye and one forming at the corners of his mouth. Wilson knew he was in for big trouble and sighed loudly. "How'd it go with Ms. Flu and Cocaine? Get a date?" Wilson coughed a short laugh.

"No, no date. To bad, too, she was just my type." He said as he snapped his fingers in mock disappointment. "She denied the drug use, of course. She did fess up, though, after being threatened with a drug test. She's on antibiotics and scheduled to join rehab."

"Hmm," Started House. "But no date?" Wilson sighed again and shook his head.

"Would it make you feel better if I said I did?"

"Maybe. She might be an improvement." Commented House. Wilson frowned and House shrugged. "Of course I could be wrong…but probably not."

"'Probably' leaves a margin for error. I'd be willing to bet you're wrong on this one."

"You might lose if you did." Answered House. Wilson sighed.

"You need to stop sighing, emo kid." Commented House. Wilson suppressed the sigh he felt rising in his chest and stared at House. The corners of House's mouth were beginning to turn upward, he knew Wilson was trying not to sigh and Wilson rolled his eyes, because he knew he knew.

"And I think you need to spend less time online reading fanfiction for The OC and General Hospital." Stated Wilson. House cocked an eyebrow and Wilson shook his head at him. "Emo kid? You are bored, aren't you?"

"That's the differential diagnosis. Chase's recommended treatment was to meddle." House shrugged. "Do you think it was wrong of him?"

"Chase suggested that as treatment?" Asked Wilson. "Why would anyone ever suggest to you that you meddle?"

"Because he knew I would anyway." Answered House.

"Meddle somewhere else. I'm busy, I have things to do."

"Like what?"

"Like my job. If you're really that bored maybe you should do yours." Now House sighed and Wilson smiled widely and playfully. "Emo kid." House looked at Wilson sharply with a sarcastic smirk on his mouth.

"Neil Perry."

"Oh…no, House." He was bringing it up again!

"And that's not all…"

"What…?" He wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"Cameron thinks so, too."

"House, no!"

"Yes."

"House, I swear that if you don't stop bringing this up I'll tell everyone that you love that movie!" There was a sudden pause, but House didn't look fazed.

"No one would believe it." Answered House matter-of-factly. Wilson knew he was right, but pretended that he wasn't.

"You just wait until everyone starts calling you Captain." Teased Wilson. House stared at Wilson for a minute then coughed one of his own laughs. "I've got to go. And for heaven's sake, do a crossword!" Wilson walked away and House was left alone and bored again.


	5. Foreman I

"Well, that was fun." A few seconds passed, then House shifted on his cane and started back towards his office. He entered his office, which was now vacant of all heart wrenching sniffling and giggling, and plopped down in the chair behind his desk.

Nothing on TV for another three hours, no interesting patients, and he didn't even want to consider clinic duty. In the middle of these silent remonstrations his eyes happened upon the center of his desk, where he found a conspicuously placed crossword puzzle. The New York Times crossword puzzle, no less. House smiled amusedly as he picked up the paper. "Good old Dr. Chase." Mumbled House as he shook his head. He tilted his head towards the ceiling and sighed in resignation. He opened his desk drawer, took out a pencil and set to work on the crossword puzzle. One across, scientific name for cannibalism, 13 letters? Good lord, a fool could do this crossword! He was about to write in 'anthropophagy' when a knock came at his door. "Speaking of cannibalism…" He muttered to himself irritably before looking up to find Dr. Foreman at the door. House shot Foreman a dirty look, Foreman shot House one of his own and House motioned for him to enter.

"Dr. House, I need a consult." Said Foreman quickly, obviously in a hurry to cure whatever patient he happened to be treating.

"Well of course you do," Replied House slowly and calmly. "I'll be right with you. I just started The New York Times crossword puzzle and I'd like to finish it before I dedicate my attention to your dilemma." He was teasing Foreman for his urgency. Foreman fidgeted impatiently and frowned.

"Dr. House, I…"

"Do you know the scientific name for cannibalism?" House interrupted.

"What? No!" Foreman was both confused and incredulous.

"13 letters. Whatever could it be? I'm stumped, I'll be at this one all day." House gazed at Foreman and sighed complacently.

"Dr. House, this is important."

"Yes, yes, of course it is. You wouldn't bother me for something simple and trivial, now would you?" Foreman could almost see the sarcasm dripping from his mouth. Both House and Foreman knew that several doctors brought seemingly impossible cases to House every day, Foreman included, and most of them turned out to be ridiculously simple. Foreman sighed.

"House, I don't have time to listen to your jokes. You're bored, I can see that. Are you going to give me a consult or not?" House sat with a ridiculous grin on his face, gazing at Foreman for another few seconds and then he looked back down at the crossword puzzle with mock confusion on his face.

"13 letters!" He wondered out loud. Foreman finally had enough. He slammed the case file on House's desk, backed up, crossed his arms and glared at House. House smiled wickedly and picked up the case file to read it. Foreman waited, face frozen in frustration. House read the file and looked up at Foreman with an irritated look on his face. Foreman uncrossed his arms and sighed, knowing the answer was ridiculously simple, as usual. "14 year old female, frequent nose bleeds and headaches, severe abdominal cramps and changed eating habits…you must be joking."

"Hey, no one thing accounts for all these symptoms!" Cried Foreman as he threw up his hands defensively. House shook his head in disappointment.

"Exactly, its not one thing. Check her nose, I guarantee it's broken, which would account for the nose bleeds and headache. As for the abdominal cramps, she's just been taking too many painkillers. Too many painkillers for the headache leads to abdominal pain, which leads to more painkillers. It's a vicious cycle." House leaned back in his chair and threw the case file back on the desk. Foreman picked it up and headed silently towards the door. "Next time you need a consult, I suggest you find Dr. Chase. He could have diagnosed that with his eyes closed." Foreman didn't turn around, but the way he threw back the door and stalked away was satisfaction enough for Dr. House. He turned his attention away from the door and back to the crossword puzzle. "Anthropophagy…"


	6. Wilson, Cuddy, and Guest Star

Some time passed, House didn't know how long and didn't particularly care past the fact that it wasn't time to leave yet. House was on the last two clues of the crossword, and this being The New York Times crossword, that would seem to indicate that some great time had passed since the start. However, when Wilson poked is head in through the door, the clock attested that it had only been half an hour since Foreman left. House glanced up from his crossword briefly to look at Wilson. Wilson stood in the doorway and waited. "Irritated, bored and bitter, nine letters." House stated with a grim smile. Wilson nodded and looked down at his hands.

"Greg House." Answered Wilson. House pushed the crossword away and looked up at Wilson.

"Finished and still bored."

"Are you sure you got all the answers right?" Asked Wilson, although he knew better. So did House.

"Please." Scoffed House. He glanced at the empty chair in front of his desk. "You're not sitting down, what's up?"

"There's someone here to see you."

"Tell them I died…of boredom." House twirled his chair around once and came to face Wilson again. Wilson smiled.

"Somehow I don't think that would go over well." Answered Wilson. "She might cry. I think you should see her."

"Oh come on now, who is it, my mother?" Snapped House sarcastically. Wilson looked at House levelly and House looked back. Wilson's mouth twisted into a small lopsided grin and House coughed a small laugh. "You have got to be kidding…my mother?" Wilson shrugged and looked over his shoulder into the empty hallway. "Why the hell didn't she call me first?"

"She did call. Eight times, she said. She was starting to get worried."

"What the hell…" Then House looked through the glass doors into the conference room at a certain sniffling, giggling idiot. "Oh God, Cameron." And he had given her TV privileges. House shook his head in disbelief, rolled his eyes and groaned, but smiled nonetheless. He couldn't help it, that Dr. Cameron was as good at interfering in personal lives as he was, and it was cute as hell.

"Greg…" Uh-oh, Wilson used the first name. House looked at him with a cocked eyebrow and Wilson shot him a warning glare. House held up his hands defensively and apologetically. "I assume that I should tell her to come in?"

"Just a minute." Said House as he settled his gaze on Wilson. "Did mom say hi to you?" Wilson laughed and smiled at the floor.

"Yes, she hugged me and kissed both sides of my face. Then she fixed my hair and said that I was too skinny." Answered Wilson. "Everyone around at the time assumed that she was my mother until she introduced herself as 'Greg's mom, Mrs. House'. Now everyone thinks you and I are a couple." Wilson shook his head at the floor and House laughed.

"Don't worry about that, Jimmy honey. Everyone thought we were a couple anyway." Said House jokingly. "Seriously though, they did."

"I know. Have you heard the rumor about the flamingo with the…"

"…and the coconut cream pie and the handcuffs…"

"…with the waiter at the Belagio." They finished together.

"Yeah." House.

"Yeah." Wilson. After a moment of silence they both shivered dramatically and went into a fit of laughter with pauses for 'yuck' and 'eww'. Right on cue Sylvia House walked into the room and broke up the boyish silliness.

"You two behave yourselves!" Demanded Sylvia. House and Wilson stopped their laughter but looked at each other in a way that told they were only a certain combination of words away from losing it again. Sylvia came around the desk and embraced House as only a concerned mother could. House complied reluctantly. "I was so worried! I called a million times, where were you?"

"I was right here mom." Said House soothingly, however Wilson detected the irritable undercurrent in his tone that no one else could notice. "I don't answer my phone, you know that."

"I left messages!" Cried Sylvia in a sarcastic and accusing way. Despite her impeccable manners and sickening sweetness, there could be no doubt that Sylvia was House's mother. At just the right moment a glimmer of sarcasm would come out in her that reminded one of her son. Inversely, at just the right moment a glimmer of sickening sweetness would come out in House, making one wonder where it had come from.

"I don't know what to tell you. The voicemail must not be working." House shrugged. Sylvia smiled and began to smooth out House's wrinkled shirt.

"Oh honey, you're too thin." She observed. Wilson turned away as he stifled a laugh and House shot him a warning glance.

"Mom, I am a doctor. If I were too thin, I'd know it." He spoke slowly and deliberately, clearly growing weary of the special attention he was receiving.

"You don't know! A mother knows. You need to eat more." She went back to smoothing the shirt. "And you need an iron…or someone to iron for you." At that time Cuddy entered through the glass doors absently. Wilson cleared his throat in a quiet warning. Cuddy stopped, glanced confusedly at Wilson, looked at the Kodak moment in front of her and turned to leave as quickly and silently as possible. "Oh! Lisa, honey!" Cuddy didn't even get as far as putting her hand on the door when she was halted by Sylvia's welcome. She paused, mustered a warm smile and turned around to receive a hug from Mother House.

"How are you, Mrs. House?" Asked Cuddy, though as she hugged Sylvia she directed a questioning look at House. He rolled his eyes and inclined his head towards the conference room. Cameron was the only one in there. Cuddy felt a twinge of irritation towards Cameron for setting this up, but of course she couldn't have known the trouble she'd caused. The look Cuddy gave House communicated as much and he nodded knowingly in return.

"I'm fine, dear. But you! Look at you Lisa, you're far too thin!" Cuddy smiled and nodded tolerantly, but House had turned to face the window and Wilson retreated father into the corner, both muffling their laughter. "Dear, whenever are you and Greg going to get it together and get married? I've always thought you two were perfect for each other." House started coughing loudly, trying desperately to disguise his outburst of laughter. Cuddy directed him a pleading glare, which House could feel burning into his back. House composed himself, turned around and took his mother gently by the arm.

"Mom, I'm a little bit busy just now. I'll call a cab and I'll see you when I get home, okay?"

"But Greg, I want to see the hospital."

"You've seen it before." Answered House, not masking his impatience. Sylvia gave House a penetrating glare, so much like those House often used. House glared back and Sylvia shook her head.

"You're worse than your father sometimes." She said affectionately. "Greg, I want to see what's new in the hospital." Despite first impressions Sylvia House was a very smart woman, once over her impossible maternal instincts. House sighed and looked at the floor. He had an idea, and he that if he executed this idea what it would kill him in more ways than one. House looked at Wilson and then at Cuddy, their eyes pleaded with him, both to do it and not to do it. House hesitated for another second. He would feel bad about doing, but it would appeal to his sense of humor, and it would at the very least relieve Cuddy and Wilson from the duties of a boy's best friends to his mother. So what if he died of guilt and laughter? He didn't hesitate much longer.

"Okay mom, I'll take you to see Dr. Chase and he'll take you around. He'll be so happy to see you again."

"Oh, dear Robert. He's such a nice boy, and very like you, Greg. He reminds me of that kid from that Australian show."

"_Neighbors_, mom. The show is called _Neighbors_." He said as if he'd told her a million times, and probably had. She probably knew what it was called too. She was definitely House's mother. "Lisa, Jimmy, say goodbye to mom." Each one hugged Sylvia in turn and said a short goodbye, knowing that they weren't rid of her yet. House and Sylvia headed towards the door, but before exiting Wilson stopped House with a firm hand around the arm.

"You're a cruel man, Dr. House." He said softly into his ear. House smiled wickedly.

"I would have stuck her with Foreman if I could have. I'll introduce them before she leaves…God, if she leaves! He can deal with her once a year." House caught up with his mom outside the door and they both disappeared down the hall. Wilson and Cuddy watched as they walked out of sight.

"Disgruntled Australian doctor, five letters." Said Wilson.

"Chase."

"You think maybe that we should start visiting her for Thanksgiving dinner again?" Asked Wilson jokingly.

"Maybe. If we did maybe we wouldn't be so thin!"


	7. Chase II

Chase was lazily stretched out on the couch in the doctor's lounge, intently watching the drama on the television. It was his lunch break. He wasn't hungry though, he'd been snacking on vending machine junk all day and he was filled to the rim with grease, salt and sugar. The sugar had given him an energy rush, the grease made him tired, and all he really wanted to do was lay there on the couch for the rest of the day and stare at the television. Unfortunately, the salt had made him thirsty, and the water that he drank made him need a bathroom rather badly. Circumstances hadn't grown so bad that he was willing to move from his current position just yet, however.

House entered the room silently and slumped himself in a large armchair next to Chase's couch. House studied Chase for a few seconds until his gaze shifted from Chase to the TV, which Chase's gaze hadn't left.

"You really are crazy, you know." Said Chase. Neither one of them were about to remove their eyes from the screen.

"So I've been told. But I'm telling you, I'm right." Answered House as he twirled his cane. Chase shook his head.

"He doesn't look anything like Wilson. You're insane."

"And you're blind. Cameron thinks he looks like Wilson."

"I always did think she was weird." Answered Chase. "Be quiet, this is the best part." House and Chase watched in silence for a few minutes as Neil Perry brought the first meeting of the Dead Poets to order. "Its not Wilson."

"It is." House glanced briefly at Chase and then back at the TV. "Are you just going to lay there until you can't make it to the bathroom in time?"

"Why?" Asked Chase, skipping the questions about how exactly it was House knew he had to use the bathroom. Chase was quite confident that no one else would notice. House shook his head dismissively.

"No reason, I just wanted to know whether or not it would be wise to avoid the couch for a few weeks." House then sat up, leaned forward and clapped his hands. Chase looked at him then. "Fortunately, I have the solution. All you have to do is get up and use the bathroom. After your done with that, wash your hands and you can show my mother around the hospital." Chase sat up to stare at House with wide eyes, shaking his head and holding up his hands, trying to refuse as best he could. House smiled.

"No, House, no! Why me? You promised to stay out of my business today!" Cried Chase.

"Yes, I promised to stay out of your business, and I never lie. Fortunately, this is my mothers business. She wanted to see you."

"But why me?" Persisted Chase, becoming more calm and in the process more irritated. And to think that he had been enjoying House's company only a few seconds ago.

"Because Greg, Jimmy and Lisa want to have a make out party, so little brother needs to get Greg's mom out of the house." Answered House. Chase sighed, almost out of resistance. His shoulders slumped, he hung his head and was about to sit back on the couch when someone walked in.

"Hey, what's going on?" Asked Foreman casually. Chase jumped out of his seat and pointed at Foreman.

"Look! It's Foreman!" Shouted Chase. He then dashed out of the room as quickly as possible.


	8. Foreman II

House was amused by Chase's desperate measures, but he almost burst out laughing at the bewildered look on Foreman's face.

"The kick off went beautifully. Chase made a perfect catch, but for fear of being tackled he passed the ball to Foreman, who was stuck with it for the rest of the day." Said House as he stood up and approached Foreman.

"Huh?" Foreman was still stumped. He always was.

"How would you like to meet my mother, Eric?" Once again the sarcastic tone was used on the first name. This seemed to confuse Foreman further, and as he was clearly not thinking straight he said the first thing that came to mind, which also happened to be the most inane.

"You have a mother?"

"You'll love her." Said House as he put his arm around Foreman and lead him out of the lounge to meet Sylvia. It wasn't until Foreman was within sight of Sylvia that he regained his sense. It all came to him in a rush as he frantically searched his surroundings for an exit. Any hope for escape disappeared when they reached the smiling old woman. She didn't seem threatening, but Chase's drastic reaction and the fact that House was behind it gave him definite pause. Sometimes he hated being the new guy.

"Mom, Chase is a little busy just now."

"I know, he stopped to say goodbye before he ran down the hall." House smiled, both at Chase's regard for Sylvia's feelings, even in panic, and at his mothers amused tone. Sylvia knew more than she gave away, and like House, she tended to ignore or be amused by people's avoidance of her. She well understood that avoidance. A mother's interference within a circle of friends was never welcome. House gave her a subtle apologetic smile and Sylvia patted his arm warmly. Foreman blinked in surprise at the wordless exchange. House's eyes held admiration and affection for his mother, and subtle as the communication between them had been, it was clear that they held a deep understanding of each other. House turned to Foreman to introduce Sylvia, so he shook himself from his thoughts, smiled warmly and offered his hand.

"Eric Foreman, this is my mother, Sylvia House." Said House politely. That threw Foreman off for a minute. House, polite? Weird. "Eric is new here, he's a neurologist. You also haven't met Dr. Cameron yet. She's an immunologist. I'll introduce you two later.

"Pleased to meet you, Eric." Greeted Sylvia.

"You too, Mrs. House." Answered Foreman. He'd decided that it wasn't going to be too bad, that it was a blessing in disguise. Spending time with Sylvia House might shed some easy light on her son, and Foreman was looking forward to that.

"Eric," Only slightly less sarcasm that usual was tacked onto the first name. "I'd like you to take my mother around the hospital and show her some of the new additions." House then turned to his mother, put his arm around her and kissed her lightly on the top of the head. It was as much for his mother as it was to throw off Foreman. "See you later." He smiled, then turned to Foreman with a teasing grin. "Bring her back to me when you're done." Foreman, despite his obvious surprise at House's display of affection, was not so thrown off as to neglect his usual quizzically irritated look at House. Then they were alone, watching House move purposefully down the hall. Foreman then turned to smile at Sylvia and motioned for her to follow him as he started down the hall in the opposite direction. She nodded and obliged.

"So, what brings you here, Mrs. House," Asked Foreman innocently. "I mean, besides the obvious."

"I assume by obvious that excludes planes, trains and automobiles. I didn't come by air balloon, at any rate. As for why I'm here, I came to see my son." She joked lightly, and she was so polite in the execution of it that Foreman wasn't sure whether he imagined the slight hint of mockery he thought it held. Time to try a different approach.

"I have to say, Mrs. House, that you're much different than I expected, given your sons, uh, unique personality."

"Well, he is his own man, isn't he?" Foreman arched an eyebrow slightly. It was true that House was his own man, but that didn't tell him anything he didn't already know. Was she messing with his head? Surely not a sweet old lady like Sylvia House.

"If you don't mind me asking, what was he like as a kid?" That was the ticket, play on a mother's fond memories.

"He was shorter." Great, another piece of stunning information. Foreman sighed in exasperation and chuckled lightly. Sylvia was genuinely amused, but maintained an air of innocence. Foreman decided to try the direct approach.

"I don't imagine that you haven't noticed his bitterness and sarcasm. He's miserable, you know. And he alienates people. I'd just like to know why." They both stopped in the hallway and Sylvia gave Foreman a long penetrating stare so reminiscent of House. She finally gave a small smiled and although she didn't move a muscle, the shrug could be seen in her eyes.

"Another's happiness is in the eye of the beholder and is difficult to judge rightly. However, it is easier than judging our own happiness." She raised her eyebrows slightly as Foreman stared at her in thought. Finally his face twisted into an expression of frustration and confusing.

"That doesn't mean anything!" He cried. Sylvia smiled and patted his shoulder.

"No, it doesn't. But it sure is fun to say." Foreman opened his mouth to say something when Sylvia's attention was taken by a vending machine. She left Foreman's side without a word and started shoving coins into the machine.

"Mrs. House, I just want a little help with dealing with him. He mocks me and won't take my ideas seriously. I just want to know what to do and why he's like this." Entreated Foreman as Sylvia punched buttons on the machine. "I like to think that I'm good at understanding people, but he's a mystery to me." Sylvia bent over to retrieve her treasures, then stood up to face Foreman. There was a long silence where they just looked at each other. Sylvia finally smiled, approached Foreman and placed a candy bar in his hand. He looked from Sylvia to the candy bar and back again.

"You're too thin." Sylvia smiled. Foreman just stared.


	9. Cameron II

House was sitting in his office, messing around with a yo-yo and listening to Cake on his iPod. God, how he loved what they did with the trumpet. Muted trumpet, with just the right accent on just the right notes, and deliciously jazzy. He didn't like them for much other reason than that, but that horn was enough to make one fall in love. It was during one of those killer trumpet solos that Cameron walked in through the side doors to stand in front of House's desk. Fortunately, she knew better than to interrupt. She waited patiently for the trumpet to die down. When it did, House turned off the iPod and looked up at Cameron expectantly.

"Bored?" It was a simple question, but also totally useless. It served as a cue for House to start the conversation.

"It's a funny thing. I've been getting voicemail messages all week, and yet not one of them were any of the eight my mother left for me." House now tilted his head and gave a look of mock confusion. "Odd how the machine selectively deleted only my mother's messages. Do you think my voicemail machine has it out for me?"

"I wouldn't be surprised." Joked Cameron. House gave her a look, which she ignored.

"And to think that I gave you TV rights. You're lucky I don't revoke them."

"I take it that your mother is here?" Asked Cameron. House could see she was proud of herself. House shook his head slightly, he never would understand her.

"She is." There was a long pause where House looked at his desk and Cameron looked at House. "What made you do that, Cameron?" It was soft and curious. She had expected him to be angry or irritated.

"I thought it would be good for you to see her," Explained Cameron. "I didn't know how often you spoke or saw each other. What I know about you made me assume that it wasn't much." She waited. She didn't know what for, maybe nothing at all, but she waited.

"My mother visits the hospital once a year. Chase has already met her once. I visit her on her birthday, and she calls often. We…I mean, I…visit her on Thanksgiving, too." There was another pause where House was checking whether he had to explain the meaning of 'we'. He could see by the curious fire in Cameron's eyes that he did. "Wilson and Cuddy used to visit on Thanksgiving, too. They don't anymore." Cameron nodded in understanding, although the information aroused more curiosity than it put to rest.

"What is she like, your mother?" Asked Cameron. House gave her a look, but said nothing.

"You'll meet her, but she's worse than me," Said House as he saw Cameron's eyebrows shoot upwards. Worse than House? No way. "Except that she'll kill you with fluff. She's very intelligent, but she hides it well. That way she can throw people off if she needs to. She's very curious and very cunning, and she thinks everyone is too thin. She's sweet and polite, even when she's mocking you. In short, she's my mom. The pretense thing just never rubbed off on me, I guess. Otherwise, I'm very much like her." House smiled absently and fondly. Cameron looked at House, amazed at how fond he seemed of his mother, and she smiled amusedly.

"She sounds wonderful." She said quietly and sincerely. She realized the implication the statement held too late, and knowing House, he hadn't missed it. However, he simply let the curious fire flash in his eyes and he smiled innocently.

"Yes, she is."

"House!" Cameron and House turned their attention to the glass doors as Foreman came through them. House grinned in guilty pleasure. Foreman was more frustrated than House could ever take credit for making him. It was times like these that House truly loved his mother. "Is this why Chase bolted?"

"Different reasons. Chase minds his own business, my mother found other ways to make him miserable." Answered House accusingly. "You, I imagine, tried to weasel information from her. You brought it upon yourself, Doc."

"I can almost deal with one of you, but two is too much to take! Even if one of you is being polite I'm still being made fun of. I will not tolerate this!" Foreman threw a candy bar at House. House managed to block it with his hands and it fell onto his desk.

"Does this mean you won't come to Thanksgiving dinner?" Asked House in fake disappointment. Foreman glared at House and threw up his hands as he walked towards the conference room door.

"You are the spawn of Satan, House! I can now say that with certainty!" Yelled Foreman as he exited. All through this Cameron had tried her hardest not to laugh, but couldn't hold back any longer.

"What did she do to him?" Asked Cameron through her laughter. House shrugged as he reached for the candy bar and began to unwrap it.

"She can drive a person insane while still being polite. She is far more talented than I."

"And don't you forget it, Greg." Said Sylvia as she entered the room. House smiled at his mother as he offered half the candy bar to Cameron. Cameron accepted it.

"Have fun, mom?"

"Loads. He's a curious young man, your Dr. Foreman. He doesn't like you very much."

"Don't be silly, he loves me!" Exclaimed House sarcastically. "Mom, this is Allison Cameron, I was telling you about her earlier. Cameron, this is my mother, Sylvia House."

"Very nice to finally meet you, Mrs. House." Greeted Cameron as she shook the woman's hand. "I've been very curious about you ever since I met your son."

"You're not alone." Joked Sylvia. Cameron laughed.

"He says you two are very alike. Is it true?" Sylvia smiled warmly at Cameron. Sylvia liked Cameron, and she got the idea that she was one of House's favorites. He seemed much more friendly with her than with anyone else she had met.

"It is true. He takes after me more than he does his father, although he got all of his father's good looks." Cameron giggled and House came as close to blushing as Cameron had ever seen him come. "He got his lack of pretense from his father. Greg has always said exactly what he thought, he just wasn't always so bitter." Cameron glanced warily at House after the last statement, but his warm look of affection hadn't changed. What you accept and know to be true doesn't hurt. House was bitter, and he knew it, and what's more, he didn't care.

"If your husband is as handsome as you say he is, I'd like to meet him someday." Replied Cameron. There was that damned implication again. House didn't miss it, but he didn't acknowledge it either. Sylvia didn't miss it and she decided to at least make a subtle comment to House about it. He'd know what she meant.

"Greg dear, if she keeps this up I may just change my mind about you and Lisa." Cameron didn't know what they were talking about, but House sure did. He crossed his arms over his chest and gave Sylvia a disapproving look more reminiscent of Fred Astaire than of Greg House. If he had been serious he would have given her the Greg House look. Sylvia simply smiled apologetically at House.

"I assume you ate?" Asked House.

"Only from the vending machine. I'll get a Reuben sandwich from the cafeteria in a few minutes and I'll be back up for General Hospital."

"Can you bring me back one, too? And uh…" House glanced at Cameron questioningly and Cameron nodded. "And one for Cameron…with pickles." House looked at Cameron again for confirmation and she nodded again. House handed Sylvia some money, enough for both his and Cameron's sandwiches, and Sylvia smiled.

"Okay, I'll see you back up here at 1:00." Sylvia turned to Cameron and shook her hand again. "It was very nice to have met you, Allison."

"You too, Mrs. House. And thanks for picking up the sandwich for me."

"No problem. Anything for a friend of Greg's, even if you do like pickles. Besides, you're far too thin!"


	10. Cuddy II

**I'd like to thank everyone who's reviewed. I'm awfully glad you like the story so far and I shall continue with it. Keep reviewing, I love hearing from you. Ideas, constructive criticism, complements, comments, anything and everything. Enjoy the reading!**

It was 12:15. General Hospital wouldn't be on until 1:00 and Sylvia wouldn't be back until at least 12:45. She would order House's sandwich first, of course. It should be cold by the time she came back and that's the way he liked it. However, food and entertainment on the way, he was still bored for the time being. So he decided to take his leave of Cameron and he nonsensical, heart wrenching giggling, and go see if he could do anything to ruin Cuddy's day.

House paused in front of the two glass doors that displayed Dr. Lisa Cuddy's name and position. She was hunched over he desk, writing on forms, making notes on a legal pad and looking appropriately busy. Much too busy to notice House standing outside her transparent doors, mentally rubbing his hands together in devilish anticipation. With a quick glance at his watch to remind him of the time, he entered casually through the office doors. There he stood in front of her desk, hands clasped on the head of his cane, leaning on it and watching her amusedly as she continued her work, unaware of his presence.

As much fun as it was to stand before the oblivious Cuddy, especially with the easy view he had down her shirt enabled by her stooped over frame, he had a time limit and needed to commence with his business. "Didn't your mother ever tell you that sitting up will ruin your back?" Asked House sarcastically as Cuddy nearly jumped out of her seat. "Bend over, just a little bit more. If you do it often enough I'm sure you'll get plenty of help with your back…and with other things, too." Cuddy let out a sigh that was a mix of relief and irritation.

"Yeah, and you need to make that cane just a little more obvious." Snapped Cuddy. House almost smiled. "What are you doing here, I'm busy."

"I came to see if I could help you out with anything." Said House, followed by a thoughtful pause. "Did I say 'out with anything'? I definitely meant to say 'out of anything'. You know, like a shirt or your pretty stockings. Where did you get those, by the by?"

"Do I need to charge you with sexual harassment?" Asked Cuddy irritably.

"Would you like to be able to?" Asked House. A 'wink wink, nudge nudge' was held in the tone, but he restrained himself from actually performing the physical acts. Cuddy rolled her eyes and stood from her desk, files in hand, and made her way to the filing cabinet.

"As much as I'd like an excuse to sue you, House, I'd rather not have to go through the actual advances that would have to be made to do so." Cuddy turned around to look at House. "Why are you here?" House did smile.

"That's the question, isn't it? Why am I here…why are any of us here? What is the meaning of life?" My, my, he was having fun now. Cuddy glared at him.

"The meaning of life is no mystery compared to you." She said shortly. "Someone needs to write a book about how to get answers from insane men."

"I'm an open book." Exclaimed House as he shrugged. "What do you want to know?"

"I want to know why you are here." She pronounced every word, very clearly, very harshly. He was starting to get in deep, and if he didn't retreat soon he could be lost forever. The last thing he needed was more clinic hours. However…

"Hmm, actually, I can't tell you that." Said House. "I keep asking, but mom and dad won't tell me."

"House!" Yelled Cuddy.

"Where?" Screamed House as he craned his head around in mock surprise. "Please don't tell me poor Dorothy got caught in the cyclone again!" House suddenly gasped, covered his mouth in mock horror and looked at Cuddy. "What if the house falls on you, Lisa?" Cuddy couldn't take it any more.

"Out!" She yelled as she pointed towards the door.

"No way! We haven't done each others hair yet!" Cuddy grabbed a cane she had leaning against her desk and held it up threateningly at House. House pointed. "That's my cane!"

"If you want it back you're welcome to stay and see exactly where I'll put it." Said Cuddy as she advanced and jabbed forward with the cane like a fencer. House held up his own cane in defense and pushed Cuddy's weapon away before it hit him.

"I warn you, I've played this game before." Said House. "You'd be surprised how many cripples spend their time swatting at me with canes."

"I'd believe it." Said Cuddy. There was a pause then, both holding up canes protectively, staring each other down. Finally they both smiled at each other. Cuddy moved her cane forward until it touched House's chest and House lowered his cane. Cuddy pushed forward on her end, pushing House backwards towards the door. He didn't resist. Once they were both through the doors she lowered her cane, flipped it around so that the head of it was facing towards House, and she offered it to him. He accepted it, trying to think of just exactly what it was that he had done to make Cuddy confiscate it in the first place. House glanced at his watch. Cuddy looked at House.

"Time to go." Said House. Cuddy squinted, both amused and irritated. She knew exactly why he had to go. The thing that House knew but Cuddy would never tell him was that she had to go for the same reason. House's love of soap operas was amazingly addictive. Most the people who ever became associated with House ended up following the storylines as closely as he did. She had succumbed long, long ago. She nodded, House nodded and he turned to leave.

"We'll get together later and discuss that sexual harassment lawsuit." House yelled over his shoulder. "Let me know if you're ever interested!"

"In your dreams!" Shouted Cuddy.

"Every night." Responded House. Cuddy's breath caught in her chest as she blushed slightly, trying to find a response when there wasn't one. She simply stood, smiled, and lost gracefully. She'd win next time.


	11. General Hospital, General Annoyance

Ten minutes later House was sitting in front of his television, munching on a cold Reuben sandwich, no pickles, surrounded by Cameron, Sylvia, Wilson and Chase. Cameron and Sylvia were munching on their own sandwiches, Wilson was munching on the extra pickles that went unused in House's sandwich. House always got separate pickles to give to Wilson, and Sylvia didn't neglect to remember that detail. Chase was sipping on a cup of coffee. All of them sat transfixed by General Hospital, chewing pausing in unison to better hear the dramatic parts.

"Are you going to eat all those pickles?" Asked Chase without taking his eyes from the TV. Wilson absently held up the plastic bowl to Chase, who was standing behind him.

"Don't eat them all." Chase accepted the bowl and nodded, unaware that Wilson couldn't see him nod. Wilson didn't notice anyway.

"You do realize that pickles are evil, don't you?" Asked House. There was a long silence where chewing paused and all attention was turned to the TV. It was during this time that Foreman entered the office, intently studying a case file.

"Hey House, I need a consult." Foreman started to say when he was assaulted by a chorus of hisses. Foreman stopped in his tracks, startled and confused, since he hadn't expected anyone but House to be in his office and was now facing a large crowd. "What are you guys doing in here?" House opened his mouth but Cameron beat him to it.

"Foreman, be quiet!" Snapped Cameron. House looked away from Foreman to study Cameron curiously. He smiled and went back to watching the show. Foreman stood, incredulous and stunned. He was the new guy, after all, and he still hadn't been infected by the soap opera bug. It was only a matter of time before he caught it. Whether he would succumb easily or not was a different matter, and knowing Foreman, he'd be in denial with himself for months before he finally gave in, and then he'd be a closet addict like Cuddy.

Of course, it wasn't as if no one knew that Cuddy was a soap opera addict. She started being mysteriously busy and unreachable at the same time every day. It wasn't long before people realized that House was busy and unreachable at the same time as Cuddy every day and they assumed that House and Cuddy had something going on. It also wasn't long before people started realizing that Cuddy and House were at opposite ends of the hospital from each other on these days and that General Hospital was on at that time.

"Are you going to join is or are you just going to stand there all day?" Asked House. Foreman gave him a quizzical look and put his hands on his hips.

"I have better things to do. I need a consult."

"Commercial is on in a couple minutes." Answered Wilson before House could bite back. Foreman looked irritated. Chase handed the bowl of pickles back to Wilson and Wilson glanced critically at the remaining contents. "Is there a critical shortage of pickles I don't know about?"

"What?" Asked a bewildered Chase.

"Are you hoarding pickles, or what?" Whined Wilson.

"I didn't…"

"Shh!" Hissed House. Chase and Wilson went silent and grinned sheepishly like two troublemaking boys. Chase punched Wilson in the shoulder and then continued watching the show. Unconsciously, they all leaned forward, hypnotized by the action on the screen, all engrossed by something terribly dramatic. Foreman couldn't take it anymore.

"Guys! I really…" Started Foreman when he was cut off by a chorus of groans and yells, which startled him so badly that he nearly dashed out the door.

"Did you hear it?" Shouted Cameron.

"What did she say?" Yelled Chase.

"What did she say back to her?" Cried Wilson.

"I don't even know what he said to her in the first place!" Complained Sylvia.

"You idiot!" Screamed House. Foreman just stared wide-eyed. It was then that he felt the first twinge of curiosity. What had happened? What was going to happen? What exactly was it that she said? And who were they anyway? He forced the questions out of his mind.

"What is wrong with you people?" Asked Foreman angrily. House raised his eyebrows.

"You people?" He repeated, mocking offense. Foreman held up his hands in defense. "I'd like to know what's wrong with you! Haven't you the common decency to wait for a commercial to ruin someone's day?" Scolded House. He turned to address the others. "Now we'll have to bribe Cuddy to find out what happened."

"She'll never accept a bribe. She'll never admit she watched it." Countered Wilson. There was a general sigh of disappointment.

"Fear not, I'll find a way to make her crack. And I will bring you all news when I return." House said. He turned to face Foreman. "As for you, give your patient some epinephrine and stop whining!" House walked past Foreman and out through the doors.

"Bring back more pickles!" Shouted Chase and Wilson.

"And a coke!" Called Cameron.

"And a Hershey bar!" Shouted Sylvia.

"And some medical evidence!" Yelled Foreman. House came back and poked his head in through the door.

"No to you," Said House looking at Foreman. "And yes to everyone else."


	12. Cuddy III

**I'd just like to thank everyone for their reviews, I'm so glad you all like it. All your comments are much appreciated. Here's an update for you guys, cause you're the best! Keep reviewing, I love it!**

Mere minutes later, House was standing in front of Cuddy's door again. Normally it would have taken him longer to get there, but the necessity of knowledge overruled the hospital's "walk don't run" policy. So there he stood, again, watching Cuddy, again, who was hunched over her papers, again. He could see down here shirt again, too. However, this time Cuddy looked infinitely more happy to be where she was. She knew something he didn't, and from the looks of her that something must be really cool. Damn Foreman. House sighed and entered through the doors noisily. No sense in scaring the wits out of her, if he wanted information he'd have to do it another way. Cuddy looked up, and seeing who it was, instantly sat up. Lord knows how long he had stood there looking down her shirt the last time. House opened his mouth, but Cuddy cut him off before he even inhaled.

"Whatever you want, the answer is no." She said as she signed a file and put it aside. House cocked his head to the side and frowned a little.

"Darn it, foiled again! I was going to ask for more clinic hours." House switched to mock resignation and shrugged dramatically. "I guess I'll just have to suffer through it." Although Cuddy was irritated she had to try very hard not to smile. She looked up at House and gave him her best impatient glare.

"What do you want, House?" Asked Cuddy as she went back to her papers. "I have work to do."

"Why do I have to want anything?" Asked House innocently. "Can't I just come by and hang out with a friend?" Cuddy stopped writing, looked up slowly and stared at House with a raised eyebrow. House stared back and smiled. "Yeah, I was just kidding."

"House, I don't have all day, just spill it already!"

"Are you really working? Or are you just writing the same thing over and over on blank files just so you can look busy?"

"Why on earth would I do that?" Snapped Cuddy.

"I don't know, it works for me." Shrugged House. Cuddy rolled her eyes and resumed her paperwork. They stood in silence for a few seconds, Cuddy writing and House leaning nonchalantly on his cane, pretending to study the office decor. Finally Cuddy slammed down her pen and looked up at House.

"Damn it, House, you're driving me more crazy just standing there than you do actually talking!" Yelled Cuddy. House smiled amusedly. "What do you want?" The timing was perfect. She was dying to get rid of him. She'd give him what he wanted.

"You didn't happen to be doing any 'medical research' between one and two o'clock today, did you?" Asked House, the quotes around "medical research" quite apparent in his voice. Cuddy narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." She said. In actuality, she probably had a pretty good idea.

"That 'medical education' show you like to watch is on around that time, isn't it?" Asked House. The only way to get the information out of her was to pretend that the show wasn't what it was, that way she wouldn't have to actually admit to watching a soap opera. "I was just wondering if you caught the end of it." Cuddy took a long look at House.

"Why?" She finally asked. House casually leaned on his cane and studied the décor again. He cleared his throat meaningfully.

"Because my team and I happened to be watching it today when some idiot neurologist came in and started screaming. I think you need to have him checked out by the way."

"I'll keep that in mind." Said Cuddy sarcastically.

"Anyway, since he was hollering like a madman, we missed the very important medical information at the end of the show." House stared at Cuddy, the meaning clear in his eyes and his slight smile.

"I don't watch medical education shows." Said Cuddy finally. House stared at her and Cuddy stared back.

"You don't, hmm?" Said House knowingly. Cuddy gave a short nod and went back to her case files again. House put his head back and sighed. "Alrighty then." He said as he turned towards the door. Cuddy didn't look up, but she knew he was headed for the door and she was amazed. She was also suspicious, and as it turned out she had good reason to be. House was not headed out the door, but was headed for the chair in the corner of the room, which he plopped himself down in. Cuddy stared, speechless. There he sat, slouched down, legs sprawled out in front of him, and worst of all, he reached into a pocket and took out his Gameboy. House looked at Cuddy, who was still staring open-mouthed, and grinned widely. Cuddy closed her mouth and swallowed deeply.

"What was the last thing you heard before Foreman started screaming?" Asked Cuddy. House smiled complacently and sighed.


	13. Partings and Cuddy

**Okay readers, new chapter is up. I know from your comments that you all love Sylvia. She leaves this chapter, but I promise you she will return. I was thinking of leaving her out of the rest of it, but she was such a popular character that I couldn't do that to you guys. So rest assured! Read, enjoy and review, review, review! **

"She what?" Exclaimed Cameron. House handed her the coke he had bought her.

"Well that changes everything!" Commented Wilson.

"Wait, what did he do again?" Asked Chase. "I couldn't have heard that right."

"Oh you heard right, Robert." Assured Sylvia. "Greg, you aren't just making this stuff up are you? I remember when you messed me all up for weeks by telling me the wrong story for the episode I missed."

"I'm sorry about that, Mom." Said House. He didn't sound very sorry.

"No you're not." Said Sylvia as she smiled at him.

"Unless Cuddy told me wrong, that is exactly what happened, I swear." Answered House. "I still can't believe it myself."

"I don't believe it!" Said a stunned Chase. They all just stood there looking at each other and grinning like idiots. House stood looking at them for a minute and then grew irritated with their constant and pointless presence. He had expected them to leave by now and they were getting boring.

"Well?" Said House impatiently. Cameron and Chase looked confused, Wilson left immediately and Sylvia grabbed her coat from off the back of a chair. She tugged on House's coat sleeve, causing him to lean down, and she kissed him goodbye.

"I'll see you at home, Greg." She said as she walked towards the door. "You're making dinner!" She called as she exited and walked out of sight. Chase and Cameron stared some more.

"You can cook?" Asked Cameron finally. House turned his attention to them and glared slightly.

"Tell no one." He ordered. "I'm not getting roped into making anyone a good luck soufflé."

"You can make a soufflé?" Exclaimed Cameron, clearly amazed and very impressed. House glared at her.

"Out now." And then he glared at Chase. They both stared at him, gave each other a look and slowly made their way out of the office. House smiled, satisfied with himself and with the solitary room he had created. He made his way to his desk, sat down in his chair and turned his attention to his iPod. What to play? He had a great electric guitar version of Bach's 'Toccata and Fugue', which he happily selected. Moments later his office was filled with the fast paced, unconventional melody. He was in heaven, leaned back in his chair, eyes closed, hand swaying in time to the music and he was humming lightly. Then suddenly it ended. He paused a moment in confusion, then opened his eyes to view a disgruntled Cuddy, arms crossed and eyes glaring. Welcome to Hell.

"What happened to your team?" Asked Cuddy in mock cheer. She was only leading up to the real issue. House smirked and shrugged.

"I sent my minions out to do my bidding." Said House as he reached for his yo-yo. "From ducklings to evil henchmen in two seconds, my personal best." Cuddy rolled her eyes. She'd never understand why he called them ducklings.

"Why aren't you in the clinic, Dr. House." Emphasis on 'doctor'. "You are a doctor, aren't you? You do practice medicine?" House almost shrugged again, but restrained himself.

"I like to think that I know enough about medicine to not say that I'm practicing on people." He looked up at Cuddy with a philosophical look on his face. "You know, actually you'd think that the term 'practicing medicine' would scare away the patients." Cuddy sighed loudly.

"Unfortunately for you that isn't the case. There's a waiting room full of patients, we're backed up to the max and you're sitting here doing nothing."

"I'm not doing nothing!" Exclaimed House in mock offense. "And who's Max and why doesn't he just back up further so you have more room?" Oh yes, he was an avid student of Groucho Marx.

"Then what are you doing?" Asked Cuddy, ignoring his last question. House grinned.

"Well, I was listening to music until you came along." Cuddy dropped her arms to her sides, completely exasperated.

"I'd say that qualifies as nothing." Snapped Cuddy. House tilted his head and gave her a curious look.

"If you think music qualifies as nothing, maybe you don't spend enough time doing nothing." Commented House quietly, thoughtfully. Cuddy blinked. She could have sworn that he was actually trying to be helpful. She opened her mouth to say something, but before she could he leaned forward and held out his iPod to her. "Here. I'll go to the clinic on the condition that you sit and do nothing for a while." She stared at the iPod in his hand then looked at him suspiciously. He shot her a challenging look. She sighed and snatched the iPod out of his hand.

"Fine!" She growled. "But don't check out early."

"Too late," Commented House. "I'm already checked out." Cuddy rolled her eyes, turned on her heels and headed towards the door. House watched her go, or rather watched the back of her go. "And lay off Max!" House called after her. Once she was out of sight he heard her call back to him.

"Well stop looking at my ass!"

**I'd like to thank my friend Ije for inspiring me to use Max. I had asked him "Backed up to the what?" and he came up with the most banal and overused saying and between the two of us we twisted it up so much that I ended up using it, even after I said I wasn't going to. Now he doesn't have to burn my story. **


	14. House at the Clinic

**Again, I'd like to thank everyone for their reviews. My most entertaining by far has been from ljaddict: "I love you oO". Very original and very funny. Thanks for the laugh. **

What had he been thinking? Trading Cuddy his iPod for clinic hours? That was the moment that House knew he was insane. He shrugged it off. Cuddy needed to loosen up a bit…well, a lot really. He supposed that a few clinic hours would be worth it to sneak up on Cuddy while she was in the throes of musical euphoria and scare the crap out of her. Yeah, that was definitely worth it. House picked up a file from the reception desk, looked it over and called out the corresponding name. "Erica Church." House looked up to see a young blonde woman rise out of the sea of sick people. "You're with me. Exam room one." She nodded slightly and followed him into the room. Usually he could feel patients staring at his cane or trying not to, but he didn't get that feeling from her. Interesting. They stepped in through the door and House motioned for the woman to sit on the exam table. She did. "So, how are you today?" He was terribly irritated and didn't bother to hide it.

"I'm alright, I guess." She answered politely. She had a nice voice, one that would instantly put a person at ease if her eyes didn't do the job first. She didn't ask how he was, no pitying looks, no questioning glances at his leg. Very interesting.

"Then why are you here?" Berated House. Erica Church laughed lightly. Not what most patients would do. It annoyed him.

"I'm sorry if I'm wasting your time," She said. "I didn't think I needed to come in, but…"

"Well, you are wasting my time." Snapped House. "Once again, why are you here?" She blinked and gave a lopsided smile, much like the one House gave when he was amused and curious about someone else's behavior. He knew it well, and instead of feeling angry or irritated to be on the receiving end, he became interested.

"Okay, here's the story," She began. "I was babysitting for my neighbor. She has two kids, a little boy and girl. They started fooling around, throwing a bar of soap at each other and I got caught in the crossfire. It hurt like hell." She finished as she pointed a finger to her cheekbone right below her temple. House breathed a laugh. A bar of soap? Hilarious. "I wasn't going to come in but when my neighbor found out, she insisted that I get it checked out. It's worse than it sounds but not as bad as she thinks."

"Sounds like a very concerned neighbor." House looked at Erica in a way that indicated that he didn't believe any such thing. She smiled knowingly.

"Yes, more concerned about getting sued than anything else, I imagine." She commented, voicing his exact thoughts. Yes, this woman was very interesting.

"At least you're more insightful than most of my patients." Said House as he sat down and rolled his chair closer to her. He took her face in his hands and gently prodded the wounded area, causing her to wince slightly. "I take it that hurts?"

"No, it tickles. In fact, I'm nearly on the verge of an orgasm." She joked lightly. House scoffed amusedly.

"I wish all women responded like that when I touched them. However, it would make my job much more difficult." A thoughtful pause. "But definitely more pleasant." That brought a genuine laugh from her, which she immediately regretted as a shot of pain erupted from her cheekbone. House frowned. "Well, it's severely bruised. You are right, it is worse than it sounds, but not as bad as your neighbor thinks. Unfortunately, I don't think you can sue her."

"Pity."

"Alternate between hot water and ice. It will loosen up the bruising and help it go away faster."

"Thanks." A long pause where they looked at each other. "Can I go now?" House laughed and motioned for her to get off the table.

"Get out of here and leave me alone." Said House. "You may have been the only patient I've ever enjoyed treating in this godforsaken clinic, but I don't want you to move in or anything."

"You may have been the only doctor I've ever enjoyed seeing, but I don't want to sleep on these beds. And I bet the food is horrible." Quipped Erica. She turned to leave but was stopped by House's voice.

"Erica…Ms. Church?" He started. Erica turned and gave him a questioning look. It was a stupid question, but he was going to ask it anyway. "You didn't say anything about my leg. You never even seemed to notice."

"Hmm?" She asked as she looked down at his legs. She looked into his eyes and smiled. "Oh, you have very nice legs." Erica walked out of the exam room, leaving House alone in his surprised laughter.

**Author's Note: The inspiration for this chapter hit me…well….like a bar of soap in the head. Getting hit with a bar of soap really does hurt, and it leaves quite a nasty invisible bruise. I still hurt. Since it seemed out of the ordinary, I thought I'd use it.**


	15. Wilson IV

House sat back casually on the table in exam room one. He had treated seven patients since Erica Church and dismissed them all as quickly as possible. It had been a terrible pity to have such an interesting patient so early in the day. It made him hate the following patients so much more. He had dealed as best he could, but after the last patient had come in, wondering why, after winning a watermelon eating contest, she had been having diarrhea, he just couldn't deal anymore. After dispensing of his last patient properly he didn't come out to call another one. Instead he settled down on the exam table, took out his Gameboy to take up the battle against boredom and the evil space monkeys. He was in the middle of fending off a gang of said monkeys when the door opened and Wilson swept in. "How's it going?" Asked Wilson.

"Out the door if you know what's good for you." Commented House. Wilson apparently didn't know what was good for him, because he shut the door behind him and plopped himself down in the rolling chair in the corner. This action distracted House from his Gameboy long enough to allow the space monkeys to overtake his space fighter. House looked down at his Gameboy just as it happened and groaned loudly as the 'game over' music played. House glared at Wilson and Wilson simply flashed House a boyish apologetic smile and a shrug. A long silence ensued which included staring. "So." Wilson nodded.

"So." Another silence ensued that made both of them smile. "What are you up to?"

"Level five, I think." Said House as he inspected his Gameboy. "If you want to know what I'm doing, I think its self explanatory."

"Nothing." Confirmed Wilson.

"Exactly."

"And…why exactly are you doing nothing?" The way Wilson sometimes paused after the first word of his sentence reminded House of Captain Kirk. The fact that he was a trekie was another thing that he'd keep a secret if possible. It would probably slip out around Cameron though. He always seemed to tell her things that he didn't really want her knowing.

"You know I actually enjoyed treating a patient today?" Said House. Wilson raised his eyebrows slightly, urging him to continue. "She was the first patient I had today, and everyone else since then has been comparatively disinteresting and infuriatingly ignorant." House made a gestured with his arms as if to finish the point. Wilson coughed.

"Why did you like her?" Asked Wilson, although he though he knew the answer.

"She thought like me." Said House. "Unlike most patients she could understand the things I said to her...or didn't say to her." Wilson laughed silently.

"So you're doing nothing because you can't stand having irritating patients after having such a great one?" Said Wilson. House looked at him. It was enough of an answer. "You find a patient you like and it makes your day worse than it would have been otherwise…interesting."

"Yes, isn't it." Said House sarcastically.

"So, you like her so much, go after her. Go out on a…wait, what are those called again…a date?" Teased Wilson. House shot him a glare that wasn't completely threatening.

"For one, she's a patient. Ethics and all that." House waved a hand in a vague gesture.

"Like you care about ethics. Give me another one."

"For another, I'm not interested."

"Shouldn't that have been your first reason?" House and Wilson stared at each other for a long moment.

"I don't like you very much." Said House half lightly. Wilson coughed a laugh.

"You don't like anyone very much."

"This is true." Granted House.

"Honestly House, what are you doing in here doing nothing? Haven't you ever heard of that old Latin saying 'Carpe Diem'?"

"I have my own saying, it goes 'Edo stercus et mortem'." Another one of those long moments ensued where they both just looked at each other.

"I am a doctor, Greg. I know Latin."

"I know you do."

"If you had said it in English I might have been offended. 'Eat shit and die' isn't exactly a common friendly greeting." Commented Wilson. "Unless it happens to be a term of endearment on planet Limping Twirp, that is." House laughed lightly. Wilson stood up and moved toward the door. "Coffee, snack?"

"Can't leave." Answered House. "Not for another hour and twenty minutes. Buy me a Hershey bar and drop by my office later." Wilson nodded and opened the door to leave.

"Give Cuddy a big scare for me." Commented Wilson as he left.

"Oh, I will."

**I would like to thank my wonderfully entertaining and depraved friend Caitlin for teaching me the meaning of "Edo stercus et mortem". She is a brilliant Latin student and has a beautifully twisted sense of humor. I'm a French and Spanish student, so as far as Latin goes I'm fairly stumped. **


	16. Cuddy V

Back again. Cuddy would definitely be counting this one of her worst days. House had passed the last half hour of his clinic shift making a castle out of tongue depressors, which he of course threw out afterwards, no worries there. Now here he was, happily free and giddily anticipating the havoc he was about to wreak on Cuddy's music induced dreams. House had held up his end of the bargain, and similarly, Cuddy was holding up hers. There she was, lying on her couch, eyes closed, mouth curled into a relaxed smile, music almost blasting. He had never seen her so relaxed and happy, he almost hated to end it. Almost.

House picked his cane up off the floor and tucked it under his arm as he put a hand on the door to her office. He pushed gently, careful to make as little noise as possible, even with the music blaring. There was always the chance that she would hear him enter, music or no. Once he had the door opened the appropriated amount he placed one foot in, and then the other. Sneaking when you have a limp is no easy task, especially if you're avoiding the extra noise of the cane by having it tucked under your arm. However, House was a singularly talented person, and succeeded in this task flawlessly. He let the door close slowly and silently, and then turned to look at Cuddy. The way she was laying there was no chance of seeing up her skirt, but as always, he did have a lovely view of her breasts. He sighed noiselessly.

He started across the room to where she lay, trying desperately not to get caught up in the rhythm of 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' by The Rolling Stones. Aww, she was playing their song, how sweet. He reached the couch successfully and was standing over her now, head tilted, looking into her face curiously. The fact that she looked indescribably peaceful made the dead that he was about to perform unbelievably sweet. He grinned evilly as he moved himself to face Cuddy. He hesitated slightly to be sure, then bent down to be face to face with Cuddy, their faces only eight inches apart. He listened intently to her breathing, judging between the two things he could do. It all depended on whether she was asleep, which she was. Goody.

House reached over to the iPod that was resting on the coffee table next to him and turned off the music. The room went silent, deathly silent…really silent. He smiled and turned back to Cuddy. He closed about two inches of distance between them. He felt strangely like all those Prince Charmings waking Sleeping Beauties or Snow Whites. Cuddy was neither of those, and House was definitely not Prince Charming, or even charming for that matter. Even his mother would attest to that. House waited another moment to make sure the change in sound wouldn't wake her. It didn't. He grinned again and took a deep breath. "Dr. Cuddy!" Screamed House.

Cuddy jerked awake, gasped and jolted upright, causing hers and House's head to collide. Cuddy grasped her head as she rolled off the couch and onto the floor. House dropped his cane as he reached for his own head, bent over in pain, limping around the room. If anyone had walked in just then their first impulse would have been to call the psych ward. Their second impulse would be to burst out in uncontrollable laughter. Cuddy crawled around on the floor with one hand on her head, House managed to make his way back over to his cane, which he now continuously pounded against the floor. As Cuddy groped for the coffee table's support in an effort to get to her feet, she accidentally turned the iPod back on. Both of them were startled by the sudden sound of something AC/DC. In all the excitement neither of them recognized exactly what. "You jerk!" Snapped Cuddy.

"What?" Yelled House.

"I hate you!"

"You're telling me I made a snafu!" Agreed House.

"What?"

"Turn the music off!"

"I will not take my shirt off!" Exclaimed Cuddy.

"Why not?"

"I don't care if you think it would be hot!"

"Oh, okay!" House made his way over to the iPod and turned it off. Cuddy slowly made her way from the floor to the couch, House stood and looked at her as he rubbed his forehead. Cuddy finally looked at House with one of those looks. Foreman often gave him the same look. Both Cuddy and Foreman had one eyebrow perpetually raised. House swore that one day they'd look in the mirror and realize they were meant for each other. Closet soap opera addicts and perpetual eyebrow raising, what kind of basis for a relationship would that be? Maybe he'd never know. "You okay?" Asked House. Cuddy glared at him.

"Yeah, I'm terrific." She answered sarcastically. "Why would you do that to me?"

"Well, it wasn't exactly my plan to give us both concussions." Said House. "But on the other hand, now we match! If I started wearing low cut shirts and high heels we'd practically be twins!"

"Get out."

"Uh-uh, now I've got to make sure that you don't have a concussion." He said as he took out a flashlight from his pocket and sat on the coffee table in front of Cuddy.

"Get real. I'm fine, you get out." She said swatting away the flashlight as he brought it up to shine in her eyes.

"Hold still." He said as he tried again.

"No."

"Hold still." He snapped, firmly and forcefully. She sighed and complied. After about a minute or so of pupil checking and head fondling he sighed and nodded. "You're fine." He moved to put the flashlight back when she grabbed it from his hand.

"I haven't done you yet." She said as he looked at her curiously. At her reply his eyes lit up.

"Oh I wish you would."

"Shut up and hold still." She said as she shined the light in his eyes. More head fondling ensued, another sigh and another nod. "You're fine."

"I know." Said House. "All the girls think so." Cuddy rolled her eyes, which hurt her head. House noticed and frowned. "Ice."

"You too. Now get out and take your damn iPod with you."

"You can't tell me you didn't enjoy yourself."

"I didn't." Answered Cuddy.

"Your lips say no, but your eyes say yes."

"No, it's my head that says no."

"Your head always says no."

"Get out now!" House held up his hands in resignation and made his exit, head pounding, but heart singing 'You Can't Always Get What You Want'. The clinic, the patients, the headache, had it all been worth it just to scare the crap out of Cuddy? House stopped, looked back through the clear glass doors and grinned. Yeah, it had all been worth it. Yes, certainly, and out of doubt and out of question.

**The last line is a quote from Shakespeare's _King Henry V_.**


	17. Cameron III

**To anyone asking questions about Erica Church and the like, I honestly can't tell you much about her or whether she'll return. I just make it up as I go along. I must say, though, that your reviews do make a difference, so keep reviewing! Thanks a lot and enjoy!**

**P.S. I had a slight complaint recently about Chapter Two and the _Dead Poets Society_ spoiler I neglected to warn about. To that person, I'd like to say that I am SOOOOOO sorry! And that the problem has been fixed so that it will not happen again. ;) **

House sat in the chair behind his desk in his office, head tilted back, eyes closed and hand holding a package of ice to his head. The vicodin did a pretty good job with most of his headache, but his body was adapted to the vicodin's numbing powers, so it really didn't do much better than a regular aspirin would have. Did he still feel that it had been worth it? Even if the head butt had knocked him out and put him in a coma for the rest of his life, the answer still would have been yes. Besides, he had endured worse pain.

It was during these thoughtful meanderings that House vaguely noticed the sound of his door opening and footsteps on his carpeted floor. He finished his thoughts, brought these details to the front of his mind and opened his eyes to see Cameron standing on the other side of his desk. She gave him a bemused, exasperated, amused sort of look and he just shrugged in response. "Please don't ask."

"Then please don't tell." She replied as she took a seat across from him. "Don't the pills help?"

"That's the problem with a dependency, after a while it takes more to do more." Cameron blinked and gave him a strange look.

"That is the first time I've ever heard you admit that."

"Everyone knew it, what would have been the point?" Cameron gave a thoughtful smile and shrugged. House waited, knowing that she'd come to the point of her visit, if she had one. Sometimes she just came to sit, like Wilson did.

"How bored are you?" She finally asked. Her visit was at least partly business.

"Just hand over the file and I'll let you know after I fall asleep and drool all over it." She smiled lopsidedly and coughed a Wilson-like laugh as she put the file in his hand. The thought occurred to House, not for the first time, that Cameron was slowly becoming like another Wilson to him. At least if he kept thinking that it would help keep his mind off of other things that he wouldn't admit it was on. The last thing he wanted on his mind was the thought of him and Wilson and flamingos and coconut cream pies and handcuffs and casino waiters. Crazy rumors. House cringed thinking about it. Cameron noticed and smiled curiously. House caught her glance and gave her a dismissive look. "Ever heard that rumor about me and Wilson?"

"The one with the flamingo? Please don't tell me that's true." She joked. House chuckled.

"No, but I was briefly reminded of it, thus the face." She stared at him. "I have a bizarre thought process." He offered. She cleared her throat and indicated the file in his hands.

"Well?" House glanced down at it and then threw it back to Cameron.

"He needs a chiropractor, not a diagnostician."

"Did you even read the file? How does someone hurt their back by just running?"

"The diaphragm expands, aggravating an older back injury, which aggravates the muscles in his back," Explained House. "Do an x-ray to be sure, but otherwise give him some codeine and refer him to a good chiropractor."

"What if he needs surgery?"

"Then his chiropractor will refer him to a doctor who is not me." House leaned back in his chair again and replaced the ice package on his head. Cameron still stayed and sat and watched. The silence was starting to become irritating, simply because it wasn't one of those 'nothing to say' silences. Cameron wanted to say something and she wasn't saying it. "What?" Growled House finally without looking at her.

"I heard something about you today."

"If it's about that old woman and her dog in Colorado the charges were dropped. No one can prove I did anything." Cameron ignored the response.

"A patient came out of the clinic without complaining after being treated by you." She informed. House took the ice off his head and slowly leaned forward, looking at her. "Rumor goes that she looked positively radiant when she left." Cameron raised a teasing eyebrow. House shook his head. Crazy rumors. "The fact that every other patient after that didn't leave without having something to say about how horrible you treated them definitely raised some questions."

"Are you implying that I slept with a patient?" He asked, slightly amused and very curious.

"I'm implying that there is a rumor that says you did."

"And?" Did she believe it, he wondered.

"I am inclined to believe that rumors are a bunch of crap," She started. "However, most are at least founded on some amount of truth."

"Are you jealous?" He teased. Actually, there was a real question in there somewhere.

"What happened?" She asked, ignoring him again. House leaned back and shrugged.

"It just happened to be the first time I ever enjoyed treating a patient." He said.

"A patient?" She inquired. "Not the illness?"

"She thought like me and she understood me." He said, ignoring her question in return, but offering an explanation. He didn't feel like to needed to, but it was what she wanted. "And she only looked radiant because everyone else by comparison looks like the devils wrath after they leave." Cameron let out a soft giggle. House suppressed a wince as he felt his heart constrict. Damn giggling fool. If he could make her cry she'd go back to sniffling. If he made her go away it would solve his problems all together. Well, not all of them.

"The nurse said there was no treatment." Stated Cameron. "She was wasting your time."

"She had a bad bruise on her face, and her story amused me." He said. "Besides, coming to see me got her neighbor off her back."

"Sounds like you cared about her."

"Oh my, is my humanity showing?" Cried House sarcastically. "How embarrassing!" Cameron rolled her eyes, knowing she wasn't getting anywhere. She sighed and stood to leave.

"So, send the kid to a chiropractor?" She asked, reverting to the original subject.

"After the x-ray and the codeine." Confirmed House. "And please find me something interesting." Cameron looked at him and flashed him a smile before heading for the door.

"Study yourself for a while. I'm sure you'll find plenty to keep you busy." As she disappeared around the corner House burst out in laughter. He knew what she meant, but the mental image it created was too much to take, especially when the words had come from Cameron.

**Again I'd like to thank my friend Ije. He really did seriously hurt his back while running, which is somewhat of a medical mystery. The explanation thought up by House in this story is the only explanation that the doctors could think of to explain what happened to Ije's back, and it's only a guess. He's a great source of inspiration for me and he deserves recognition. **


	18. Author's Note

**Author's Note:** Hello everyone! I'm here to report that I will be going away to Europe until Sunday 24, and that I will not be updating during that time. I was going to leave you a goodbye chapter, but time and inspiration have not been kind to me as of late. I promise you I will come back full of new ideas (the artistic atmosphere of Europe will do that to a person) and many a new chapter to write! Be patient and I will deliver. I will be hoping to see you're reviews again in the near future. ;) Au revoir and hasta luego!


	19. Dinner Break

**Hello faithful readers! I'm sorry for the long vacation. I've been back from Europe for quite sometime now, but I've been busy what with school and work and plays and performances, not to mention the first week of jetlag. Anyway, new chapter is finally up. I feel there is something a little bit off about this chapter, but it may just be me. As always, please review and let me know how it is, cause I don't know crap. Enjoy!**

It was 5:45 and was nearing the end of dinner hour at the hospital. As House approached the door to his office he could see all three of his doctors sitting around the table in the conference room, drinking coffee and looking generally forlorn. House had been home to dinner, but as it seemed, his three doctors had managed to keep themselves busy enough to miss it completely.

House opened the door to the conference room and greeted them all with a nod. They mumbled a general greeting and went back to looking hungry and tired. House looked at them with his head tilted, a curious, thoughtful smile on his face. Foreman was the only one to notice House's staring and was about to make a comment when Sylvia came through the conference room doors, carrying a casserole dish in one hand and a cooler in the other. "Good evening everybody!" Called Sylvia. All three heads lifted slightly. Cameron and Chase smiled, Foreman raised an eyebrow and looked scared.

"Good evening, Mrs. House." Said Chase, standing up and taking the casserole dish and the cooler from her, placing it on the table. Sylvia gave Chase a big hug, not having had time to do so before Chase ran away the first time they met up that day.

"Its good to finally get my arms around you, Robert." Joked Sylvia. "Not that it's a chore to do so. You're…"

"…Far too thin, yes Mrs. House, I know." Finished Chase goodheartedly. Sylvia narrowed her eyes and smiled.

"It looks as though you three missed dinner." Commented House as he made his way over to the coffee pot. "Too bad we only brought a human heart and brussel sprouts with us." He said, indicating the red cooler and the casserole dish. A general groan filled the room. No jokes for these cranky kids. Sylvia gave House a light slap on the arm, telling him to stop teasing. House grinned foolishly.

"Actually, we brought you leftovers of Greg's soufflé and some soda." Soothed Sylvia. Although the thought of food appealed to the ducklings, they were wary of eating anything that Greg House had cooked. All they did was stare longingly at the casserole dish, and House stared back at them, looking irritated but secretly amused.

"You made a soufflé?" Asked Cameron. House rolled his eyes.

"No, my twin sister who is also named Greg made it." Replied House. Cameron shot him a sharp glance and House mocked fear. "Eat, damn it!"

"Oh Captain, my Captain." Greeted Wilson as he walked through the glass doors. House shot him a deadly glare and Wilson tried not to smile. Cameron giggled. House cringed. Wilson made his way to a chair in the corner when he stopped at the sight of the casserole dish. Wilson looked at House and then to the casserole dish, then looked slowly back at House with bright eyes and an open mouth.

"House, you didn't." Said Wilson. House nodded. Wilson looked at the casserole and back at House again. "Did I just call you Captain? That was foolish of me, I'm terribly sorry."

"Groveling won't do you any good, Jimmy." Commented House. "There probably won't be enough left over once my budding diagnosticians get their hands on it." Wilson stared at the doctors earnestly.

"Don't trust it. Absolutely, under no circumstances, do you want to eat this soufflé." Advised Wilson, sounding a bit too desperate to pull it off.

"Is it really that good?" Asked Foreman, sounding surprised. Wilson sighed and nodded his head.

"Yeah. Like you wouldn't believe." Wilson looked at House. "Can I come over this weekend?"

"I'm not making you a soufflé." Both House and Wilson knew better, though. Of course Wilson would be coming over that weekend, and of course House would be making a soufflé. House making a soufflé for Wilson, just the thought of it was sending rumors flying across the hospital.

"So, who's serving?" Asked Chase.

"You four sit back and I'll serve." Said Sylvia, patting Wilson on the back. Wilson grinned, being glad to be included. Sylvia had a way of making grown adults seem like adorable children. They all looked like grade school kids at snack time. Sylvia divided the remaining soufflé into four pieces and handed them out. Wilson, of course, already knew what to expect, but the other three were shocked to discover that the dish that House had prepared was delicious. All four of them dug in, making noises of appreciation and surprise. House smiled to himself and Sylvia nudged him in the ribs.

"Oh my God," Said Cameron. "If you can dance I think I'm in love." House cleared his throat nervously, Sylvia chuckled lightly and Wilson tried his hardest not to choke on his meal. Cameron glanced up at the three of them and turned red. "You can dance?"

"You'd have to see it to believe it." Said Wilson. House shot him another dangerous glance and Wilson grinned unabashedly.

"She'd make a good replacement for Lisa." Commented Sylvia. House cleared his throat again.

"Stick to Lisa." Answered House.

"I'm sorry, what…?" Asked Cameron.

"Don't ask." Interrupted Chase.

"Do I want to…?" Started Foreman.

"No." Answered Chase, House and Wilson. The four diners were trying their hardest to make the meal last, but even then the food was finished quickly. Dinner break over and stomachs full, the ducklings stood to go back to work. Surprisingly they were in a better mood than they had been before House entered the room. How odd. Sylvia smiled at them as the filed out and then excused herself to use the powder room. House and Wilson stood side by side and watched her leave.

"House?" Asked Wilson.

"No." Answered House.

"No meaning yes."

"Yeah." Wilson looked at his shoes and nodded. House rolled his eyes. "Don't you have any hot daughters of cancer patients to chat up?"

"Don't you have any hot patients with soap inflicted head wounds to hit on?"

"I wasn't hitting on her."

"Sure." Said Wilson as he headed for the door. House leaned against the counter and watched him go. "Six o' clock okay?" Called Wilson, making plans for the weekend.

"If by six you mean never, sure."

"As long as the inverse is also true, I'll be over around never." Wilson disappeared around the corner and House made his way to his desk to sit down in his chair. House rested his head on the back of his chair and stared up at the ceiling, contemplating why it was that he never had anything to do on the days when he had long shifts.


End file.
